Phony City Life-1

Wherever I go I am bugged by bunch of phonies,pseudos, bastards, illiterate slimeballs. I hate it. But the fact is apparent that I cannot ignore them since they form a large chunk of this screwed up existence of mine. Its totally pathetic when you see people around you just pretending, just acting so gloriously stupid. Yeah, stupid. Big bad wannabe stupids. And you have to be quiet and see their crazy antiques. I just hate this thing. I just hate people who think its cool. Fuck you pseudo cools. Just fuck you.

This city has been a revelation for me. I am from a small town. Now small means small. And whoever said that you shouldn't be distinguishing between the place where you come from to a big city can well suck his own balls dry. There will always be a prejudice. When they come to know you are from some small city, the discrimination begins. And this is India. It happens here by the lot, by the dimes, by the cents and by the people.

I am kinda tired by this persecution. Yes, it is. You should look the phony girls wearing some high-funda dress asking you that same stupid question. and they act as it they are formed from nietzsche's sperm. The boys are just the same. Satre's offspring. Damn stupid. Yes, people around me are stupid. And I am biggest of them all because I stay with them looking at their monkey dance without protesting, looking at them wasting their life, wasting my life with them, cause am a damn coward to fight back because they would overwhelm me. I have already lost even before I started out.

Welcome to Phony City.

First Love Prognosis

So it was going to happen. Hmm. I don't think there was anything odd about this realization. I have not forgotten her. My first love. My first moment of eternal happiness. Yeah. I thought I never gave a fuck about her after the way things turned out to be. But somewhere in the most lonely place of my heart, her memories still remain.It is difficult to forget. Yes,it is. I am not going anywhere, I don't love her. I am sure of that. But still today I feel like I am hollow. My first love. I had seen her. That day. I regret it today. Why? I was overwhelmed by my love for her. I had surrendered myself to something which I never got. Vague aspirations, insipid inspiration and other such lameless activities only brought me down. I am not going anywhere. It is better I forget her. What is the use? I forget you. Go away. Just fucking go away from that place. I have to destroy it. I am happy now. What do you want now? You have tormented me enough. Now please leave me. Please. Just fucking leave me.


I remember you sometimes
Not always
Somewhere in my stupid heart
you stay
You make me cry
you are a fucking sadist
I can't throw you out
I can't keep you in
Its such a fucking pain.

So after some time, you will go away. I will stay where I was. I would not move. Your fucking ghost would never let me leave in peace.

I too

Hmm. I am twenty and I don't have a girlfriend. I too want to have a girlfriend. I too want to love somebody and get back some love in return. But well it seems nothing is going to happen. I am surrounded by some fossilized species of girls who would never understand me.
So. So what? So nothing. Let me just relax and enjoy my days of being single

As Tennyson said it

"ITS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST
THAN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL"

The saddest part is
I loved..but never got the love back...

A BIG PHUCK AS IF I BLOODY CARE ABOUT THIS

Maybe this is another titleless blog post from my side. Three days. I have seen enough. What the world is all about. Though I think, though I believe it has not affected me in anyway, it has. But I have not learned my lesson. I guess I will never learn it until this things happen to me. I shiver when I think about it. But I know it will happen. No one can stop it. But I wish that I am strong the way I am right now.
Exams are near. I am aimless. I am fucked up. Poetry, novel, phonetics and other shits. I really don't know where to start and end. 15 days more and well, the battle begins.
I also realized that my general knowledge has dwindled to sub zero conditions. I am spending more time doing irrelevant things. I have to concentrate more on the things which will help me. But I have no concentration at all. From May, serious studies. I promise. Let this crap of an exam finish.
Really enjoying European Industrial Metal. L'ame Immortelle and Oomph.
Submitted a story, a flash fiction if you say in a magazine. I know its crap. But still took a chance.
Now I have some plans to study. I know it would not happen. But still I would try. Have a throbbing headache as well.