This Is Damn Funny

I had to post this. This is hilarious.

“I thank God I was born Catholic so sex will always be dirty.” --John Waters

"My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'." --Emo Phillips

"It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." --Joan Rivers

"A nymphomaniac is a women as obsessed with sex as the average man." --Mignon McLaughlin

"If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips." --Woody Allen

"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home." --Ken Hammond

"Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them." --Steve Martin

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” --Rodney Dangerfield

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.” --Jerry Seinfeld

“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” --Robin Williams